Education Article
"The Power of Communication Styles"
We are a very diverse people—regardless of nationality, ethnicity, socioeconomic status, race, gender, or education. And we all have personalities! Because of this diversity, we tend to develop a communication style that works for us. Here are four common styles:
- Passive: We allow things to happen or accept what others say or do. We may not like or agree with it, but by not reacting, we give our silent approval.
- Aggressive: We react strongly—either positively or negatively—to almost everything. We tend to dominate conversations, often without realizing we may not be right.
- Passive-Aggressive: We fluctuate unpredictably between going along with things and overreacting to small comments or events. This inconsistency causes others to avoid us.
- Assertive: We are confident, clear, and respectful.
Assertiveness is the ability to communicate clearly, succinctly, and persuasively what we want or need from another person in a way that produces a respectful, two-way conversation.
Beyond personality, our communication style is often shaped by the situation—who we are speaking to, the message's importance, and how much power we perceive we have relative to the other. When we feel powerful and the issue matters, we tend to be aggressive. When we feel less empowered or the issue seems minor, we tend to be passive. Ideally, we should all strive for assertive communication to best assure a positive outcome for everyone.
The style of communication we choose impacts various aspects of our interactions. Here's how assertive communication is reflected in key characteristics:
- Verbal: Our wants and feelings are clearly articulated. Assertive language expresses expectations without being confrontational or dismissive.
- Nonverbal: We demonstrate attentive, active listening through open body language and appropriate facial expressions.
- Voice: Our speech is calm, confident, and warm. The tone is firm but friendly, and the volume is easy to hear—never too loud or too soft.
- Eyes: We maintain natural, steady eye contact that conveys sincerity without intensity or intimidation.
- Stance: Our posture is upright yet relaxed, signaling both confidence and approachability. We respect personal space and avoid dominating physical presence.
- Hands: Gestures are relaxed, and we avoid excessive or distracting movements, helping keep the focus on the message.
When we are aggressive, we do not truly hear others—we are too focused on being dominant. A great way to lose customers and relationships.
When we are passive, others do not hear us because we don’t speak up. We live by others' decisions, often showing signs of frustration.
When we are passive-aggressive, we come across as untrustworthy—something that drives people away. A death knell for customer service.
How does this impact our customers? They need to hear our professional opinion and understand what we can do for them. The passive style prevents that. Aggressive communicators ignore the customer’s needs and dominate the conversation. Customers mentally disengage—and then leave. Passive-aggressive communicators lack credibility, and people avoid them altogether.
Assertive communication, on the other hand, incorporates all the positive characteristics we want to model. It may require a daily effort to overcome lifelong personality habits, but if we want successful interactions and to be truly heard, assertiveness is key. For lasting, meaningful relationships—both personally and professionally—adopt the assertive style. You’ll be seen as a trusted partner in every conversation. Not only do you win, but so does everyone you engage with.
Be a role model for assertive communication!
